Security of Love

I write this article partly to correct some mistakes. Everyone needs security of love, but most of the people don't understand the problems and they don't understand the way to secure their relationships.

If you hide your boyfriend somewhere in Tin Shui Wai, remove his cell phone and lock him in a house with the finest Swiss door locks, then tell other girls to seduce him. That is not security. That is obscurity. On the other hand, if you put your boyfriend in LKF, let him surrounds himself by a hundred hot girls, allow him to flirt with them – and they still cannot sleep with him – that is security.

If the invulnerability of your relationship relies on the fact that other girls have no chance to touch your boyfriend, you are sunk. If you believe that keeping your boyfriend in a secret place improves the security of your relationship more than letting other girls to know him, you are wrong. And if you think that doing this then someone will never get your boyfriend, you are naïve. The most secure boyfriends you have are the ones made public, that they have been seduced for years, and are still unbreakable.

Security of love is both a feeling and a reality. We are secure when we feel that our relationship is protected from harm, free from dangers, and safe from attack. In this way, security is merely a state of mind. But there is the reality of security as well. The reality has nothing do with how we feel. Our relationship is secure when it is actually being protected. We need to feel in control and positive and not harried and fearful for security to have much of a positive effect on our relationship. But it is nonetheless important to ground that feeling of security in the reality of security, and not merely in placebos.

In some ways, this is analogous to health. If you went to the doctor because you had a badly damaged leg, she would not pretend that she could return your leg to its undamaged state if she couldn't. She would tell you the truth, describe your treatment options, and help you choose the one that is best for you, Ignoring reality is not an effective way to get healthier, or smarter, or safer, even though it might temporarily make you feel better.

Feeling and reality often contradict each other. In statistics there are type I and type II errors. Type I error: You feel that your boyfriend is faithful when he actually is not. Type II error: You feel that your boyfriend is unfaithful when he actually doesn't do anything wrong. Ironically, most of your friends would tell you to be careful of type I error, which causes you to make type II error as a consequence, and ultimately becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

To be continued...